Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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