im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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