are you still at the devil's house?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
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