if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
