I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
