Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
