Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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