Im at strip club and am horny
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
