best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
