I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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