chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
