watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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