you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
