I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
