just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
