remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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