hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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