Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
