Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
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