Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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