is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
