they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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