My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
