Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
