If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
