his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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