she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My legs feel like baby dolphins
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
