Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
