This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
My vagina is officially offended.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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