gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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