was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
He kissed a someone with a penis
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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