he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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