So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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