Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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