THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
