Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
