So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
