I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Randomize
