My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
