Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
