This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I smell like Dick and happiness
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
