Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
