sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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