If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
