Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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