it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
