So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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