I wish I only lived at night.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
