I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
