Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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