Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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