Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
