12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
