my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
