Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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