you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
