There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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