Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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