Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
