My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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