I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
