I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
